Responding to a 7-year old's Tantrum

A friend of mine shared this post that I think beautifully illustrates some ideas of how to respond to a kid’s tantrum: https://www.facebook.com/occuplaytional/posts/970439291915753?ref=embed_post

The kid gets angry and runs into the fenced backyard. The parent believes the kid is safe in the yard, and recognizes that the kid is meeting his own need for space, so leaves him alone. Safety is a priority, and intervention should be minimum and focused on meeting needs for regulation, not obedience.

When the kid punches a glass door, the parent firmly moves him to a safer room, and briefly describes the safety issue, but without yelling or lecturing. Also, the parent moves the kid by getting physically involved, not telling instructions while busy with another task.

The parent allows the kid to control who is in his room, and ignores the kid’s tone while responding positively to the kid’s needs for control, autonomy, and space. The parent still does not get occupied with another task, and stays available and attentive. Time in the room is for safety and regulation, not punishment or rejection. The parent offers to help, once, then stops talking. Talking often contributes to sensory overload and further dysregulation, or can be interpreted as judging or controlling.

The parent recognized that the kid was not going to learn or think while dysregulated, so kept guidance to a minimum for safety, and offered solutions that minimized restriction. Instead of telling the kid not to punch, she told the kid what things were safe to punch.

When the kid breaks one of his own things, the thing being broken is a natural consequence. The parent does not criticize, and provides empathy and a solution, and again ignores the kid’s tone. Tone policing does not help kids regulate. The parent blocks the kid from leaving the room because of a safety concern, which is still the priority, and when the situation seems safe, provides acceptance, humor, and reconnection. Again, there is no rejection or punishment or nagging.

The parent then thinks with curiosity about what underlying needs the child was trying to satisfy with the original unwanted behavior (feeling powerful and helpful), and provided the kid an opportunity to meet those needs in an acceptable way. It is so much easier to regulate a kid by helping them satisfy a drive in an acceptable way than to just tell them to deny themselves and tolerate that feeling.